08.24.04
How would life still go on that normal!
Yesterday, or the day before I don’t really remember… I went out with a friend of mine searching for clothes… I know he didn’t need me with him buying this stuff… I know he only wanted me to get out of that mood… so, either ways I went out with him…
And as I was walking… I was staring strangely at the people passing near me…
They were walking normally… those who were laughing… and those who were talking with each other… How could they….????!!!!
I felt like I want to scream out loud…. I lost someone dear…. How would life still go on that normal….?????????!!!!!!!!!!!
08.23.04
Three days…
3 days passed….
I wonder for how long I will still be able to endure such pain…
I woke up yesterday at the dawn (I’m lying … I couldn’t sleep aslan… but I’m convincing myself I did) … with something calling in my mind… and pushing me to open my precious old wooden box.
Oh, I forgot…. You know nothing about that box…
Ok, in this box lies my whole life… precious letters, and pictures…. 7agat ba2alha sneeen…. Not the normal pictures… those are well arranged in albums… I’m talking about special times if you can get me…
Anyways, almost 80% of the contents of this box… are memories of my teenage…. Ya3ny… men awel 3rd prep masalan… and till 2nd year in college….
And most of these memories… were with her………
Did she really die…..?!
Why do I feel like it’s a nightmare and I’ll wake up and call her shivering of the thought…?
Anyways, I opened it……
Wow… it’s been a long time since I’ve seen those things….
Pictures and pictures…
Letters and dehydrated flowers…
And the old half of the friendship heart we used to divide…
I smiled remembering the day we got that silver heart… and after few years it looked real bad … so we insisted on buying a new one in gold with a half written on it: la illah illa allah and another half written on it “Mohammed rasool allah”…..
I never took it off…..!
Anyways, I went through the heaped up memories….
I started to open the old letters…
I’ll have to tell you about this, but don’t laugh….. It’s kinda strange but we used to do it…Whenever we felt something was getting wrong between us… we used to write each other letters…. And cards….
So, I went through the letters…..
Old ones talking about her first love…..
Ones talking about my first love…
In another one she was trying to convince me that “folan” really cares about me…
That small flower… I remember it…. It was in my 16th birthday….
And this letter……
Yaaaaaaah…… it was a reply on a letter from me…… we were waiting for nateeget tansee2 thanweya 3amma.
Memories kept flowing like a movie in my mind….. I remember I was so afraid… because I got panicked in the physics exam… and I wrote almost nothing in my answer sheet and I was so sure I won’t be able to join handaset ain shams…. My old dream…!
Here’s another one…. In this one we were already in college…. 23dady handasa…
I remember this year as if it was yesterday…..
Destiny chose that I’d join handaset 7elwan, and she’d join handaset ain shams….
We were so afraid to lose each other along the way….. west elmozakra….. and the new friends… So we did something really nice…..
I had my group…. Almost 15 one…. And she had hers…. Almost the same number…
We introduced almost 30 people to each other… just to make sure we’ll still be friends…. Just to make sure we’ll still hang out together…. J
And up till this moment… those 30 people still hang out together…
Here goes another one…..
At this time of my life…. I needed her support more than anything on earth….
I remember when I took the decision of leaving handasa after I passed 23dady…
Everyone was thinking I lost my mind…. People were talking to me as if I was insane… they were saying how could you pass… then leave… people leave it when they fail… how could you…!
Even my own parents weren’t convinced of what I was doing…
I didn’t find myself there… what’s the problem in it….! That’s what I used to say…
She was the only one who came with me when I was presenting my papers in the academy… she was the only one who was supporting me… she kept saying… I might not be convinced awy … but I know that you are rational enough to know what you are doing now… and I trust you…!
I kept reading and reading….
Passing through our pictures together….
In school…. In college….
I couldn’t resist my tears anymore….
I cried like I never did before…………
Oh God… I miss her…..
I closed the old wooden box…. And put it back where it belongs….
Then mumbled the same words I pray to God with ever since what happened….
“اللهم إني لا أسألك رد القضاء و لكني أسألك اللطف فيه“
Rehab
08.22.04
كيف يكون موتي…؟!!!؟
يا رب …
أنت تعلم أني كنت لا أهاب الموت…
و كنت أنتظره كل ساعة …
حينما كانت نفسي مطمئنة…
فكيف لي أن أعود إلى سابق عهدي…
و أنا الآن أهاب الموت و الحساب …
يا رب …
ساعدني…
فقد يئست من التخبط…
يا رب …
إن هناك من كانت تجالسني… و تضحك معي…
نذاكر سوياً…
نخرج و نسافر معاً…
نتكلم عن المستقبل…
و عن الطموح…
و عن الحياة…
و عن الموت… ما هو… و كيف يكون …
و ها هي الآن في لمح البصر…
أمس كانت بصحبتي…
و اليوم يطويها الثرى…
ترى و تحس و تمر بما كنا نتساءل عنه… و لا ندري ما هو…
ربما هي قد عرفت الآن…
و لكني لازلت أتساءل…
كيف يكون موتي…؟
متى تكون النهاية…؟
يوم أحمل على الأعناق و أترك تحت التراب وحدي…
يوم تسقط ورقتي من الشجرة…
أيكون هذا غداً … ؟
أيكون بعد ساعة …؟
أم … الآن … ؟
كيف يكون موتي…؟!!!؟
08.08.04
Robert Browning
I once read a quote for someone called Browning, I didn’t happen to know him by that time so forgive my ignorance. Unfortunately that quote was translated in Arabic… but I liked it so much that I started searching for the original quote in English… and it was amazing what I found about the Brownings.
Today I’ll write to you what I know about Robert Browning, with some of his quotes. And I’ll be following up with other things about him along with his wife… Elizabeth Barrettes Browning.
By the way, I never found the original English translation of that quote… so if anyone happens to know it… please send it to me… it said:
“نحن نسقط لكي ننهض… و نهزم في المعارك لنحرر نصراً أروع … تماماً كما ننام لكي نصحو أكثر قوة و نشاطاً…!”
Love,
Rehab
Robert Browning was born in Camberwell, south London, in 1812 as the son of Robert Browning, a wealthy clerk in the Bank of England, and Sarah Anna Wiedemann, of German-Scottish origin. Young Robert spent much of his time in his father’s private library of 6000 volumes in several languages. The chief source of his education.
At the age of 16, he began to study at newly established London University, returning home after a brief period. At home his parents showed understanding of his decision to withdraw and supported him morally and financially.
In 1833 Browning published anonymously PAULINE: A FRAGMENT OF A CONFESSION. It has been said, that it was inspired by Eliza Flower, a performer and composer of religious music. First the publication sold not a single copy but eventually the work was noted by J.S. Mills.
Between 1834 and 1836 The Monthly Repository published several shorter poems by Browning. In 1834 he traveled to Russia and made in 1838 his first trip to Italy.
Browning’s early poetical works attracted little attention until the publication of PARACELSUS (1835), which dealt with the life of the famous Swiss alchemist.
From 1837 to 1846 Browning attempted to write verse drama for the stage. During these years he met Carlyle, Dickens, and Tennyson, and formed several important friendships.
Between 1841 and 1846 Browning works appeared under the title BELLS AND POMEGRANATES. It contained several of his best-known lyrics, such as How They Brought the Good News from Ghent to Aix, and PIPPA PASSES (1841), a dramatic poem depicting a silk winder and his wandering in Italy.
Among his earlier works was SORDELLO (1840), set against the background of restless southern Europe of the 13th century. It influenced Ezra Pound in his conception of the Cantos. However, Sordello’s hostile reception shadowed Browning’s reputation for over twenty years.
Browning became an admirer of Elizabeth’s Barrettes (1806-1861), poetry in 1844. He began corresponding with her by letter. This was the start of one of the world’s most famous romances. Their courtship lasted until 1846 when they were married. The couple moved to Italy that same year and had a son, Pen, later in 1849.
He produced comparatively little poetry during the next 15 years. When Elizabeth Browning died in 1861, he moved to London with his son Robert Barrett Browning (1849-1912). There he wrote his greatest work, THE RING AND THE BOOK (1869), based on the proceedings in a murder trial in Rome in 1698. It consisted of 10 verse narratives, all dealing with the same crime, each from a distinct viewpoint.
Browning made poetry compete with prose, and used idioms of ordinary speech in his text. A typical Browning poem tells of a key moment in the life of a prince, priest or painter of the Italian Renaissance. He often crammed his meaning into so few words that many readers could not grasp what he meant.
Robert did not become recognized as a poet, until after Elizabeth’s death in 1861. After which, he was honored for the rest of his life as a literary figure.
Robert is perhaps best-known for his dramatic monologue technique. In his monologues, he spoke in the voice of an imaginary or historical character. Robert had a fondness for people who lived during the Renaissance. Most of his monologues portray persons at dramatic moments in their lives.
In the 1850s and 1860s Browning’s reputation began to revive. In 1855 appeared the masterpiece of his middle period, MEN AND WOMEN. With DRAMATIS PERSONAE (1864) and The Ring and the Book he was back in the literary scene.
In 1866, after his father died, Browning lived with his sister, generally spending the season in London, and the rest of the year in the country or abroad. In the 1870s Browning published several works, including THE INN ALBUM (1875), a dramatic poems, where two couples use the the visitors’ book to convey messages, and a translation of Aeschylus’ Agamemnon. Browning Society was founded in 1881 as an indication of the poets status as a sage and celebrity.
Robert Browning died on December 12, 1889 in Venice in his son’s house. Various difficulties made the poet’s requested burial in Florence impossible, and his body was returned to England to be interred in Westminster Abbey. Browning’s narrative poem, ‘Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came’, has inspired Stephen King’s King’s Dark Tower series, which started in 1982 with The Gunslinger.
Quotes:
“A minute’s success pays the failure of years.”
“Grow old along with me! … The best is yet to be, The last of life, for which the first was made: Our times are in His hand …Who saith, ‘A whole I planned, Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!’ ”
“I show you doubt, to prove that faith exists.”
“Ignorance is not innocence but sin.”
“What’s the earth with all its art, verse, music, and worth Compared with love found, gained, and kept?”
“Why comes temptation, but for man to meet and master and crouch beneath his foot, and so be pedestaled in triumph?”
“A face to lose youth for, to occupy age with the dream of, and meet death with.”
“If you get simple beauty and nought else, you get about the best thing God invents.”
“All at once they leave you, and you know them!”
“Might she have loved me? Just as well … She might have hated, who can tell?”
“Ah, but a man’s grasp should exceed his reach, or what’s a Heaven for?”
“I count life just a stuff to try the soul’s strength on.”
“It is best to be yourself, imperial, plain and true.”
“Man partly is and wholly hopes to be.”
“My sun sets to rise again.”
“Truth lies within ourselves: it takes no rise from outward things, whatever you may believe. There is an inmost center in us all, where truth abides in fullness and to know rather consists in opening out a way whence the imprisoned splendor may escape than in effecting entry for light supposed to be without.”
“What I aspired to be and was not, comforts me.”
“What Youth deemed crystal, Age finds out was dew.”
“Like dogs in a wheel, birds in a cage, or squirrels in a chain, ambitious men still climb and climb, with great labor, and incessant anxiety, but never reach the top.”
“Take away love and our earth is a tomb.”
Sources:
http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes.php3?author=Robert+Browning
http://www.aaronscollection.com/quotes/quotes0001.htm
http://quotes.prolix.nu/Authors/?Robert_Browning
http://www.cswnet.com/~erin/rbbio.htm
http://www.kirjasto.sci.fi/browning.htm
