It’s been a pretty long time since I last held a pen in my hand and wrote my thoughts on a piece of paper… the rushing life we’re living in makes me write my thoughts on a word document instead of a paper… Sarcastic… isn’t it…?

 

I never through of this till now… In fact; I really miss this feeling of sketching my aimless thoughts between the lines of a notebook… of having some drafts here and there… J

  

Anyways…

It’s 3 pm now, and the lights went down more than an hour ago… and I found myself thinking… so I decided to write anything…

I started to think about what I should write now…

May be… my life… for instance…

Am I happy…?

How many difficulties have I encountered throughout the past 24+ years…?

Hey… let’s be more realistic… let’s say for the last 9 years…

 

Silence… (More than 30 minutes)

 

I’ve been sitting by myself for some time now… trying to gather my shattered pieces together… to form anything similar to the human soul… the one I used to have…

 

Time is passing quickly, and this I’m sure of… I can still remember the good old days… (Hey wazzup… I’m only 24 for GOD’s sake!!!)…

 

I’m thinking…

 

I miss something…

 

Who am I…?

 

I’m scared… I’m just a scared human being…

 

Scared of tomorrow…

 

Scared of myself…

 

Scared of the one I’m trying to become… (That I already became…)

 

Am I broken…? Frustrated…? Depressed…?

 

Yes… May be…!

 

Hurt…? In pain…?

 

Yes… but I’m not sure why…!

 

Who’s the one to blame…?

 

Is it the tough world we’re living in…?

 

And why should I blame it in the first place…?

 

What did I expected it to be…?

 

A piece of cake…? Roses and Champagnes …?

 

Did I dream of Utopia…?

 

No… I didn’t…!

 

But… wait a minute… what is this all about in the first place…?

 

Am I an angel…?

 

NO… I’m NOT…!

 

I’m getting out of my mind now…

 

I need to find some inner peace…

 

Need some sort of an internal shake… something to rock everything within me… Destroys my internal soul… may be then I’ll be able to build a new life…

 

Build a new “me”… based on my rules this time…

 

But, is that really true…?

 

I mean… would I ever be able to start again…? To build everything from scratch…?

 

Is it gonna be perfect this time…?

 

Won’t there be anything missing…?

 

Missing… hmmmm…. Interesting…

 

Something would be missing…

 

Well… it’s… “Someone” I guess… not “Something”…

 

I would be missing ME…

 

I really don’t know… I’m so confused…

 

Anyhow; the lights went back now…

 

Back to work then…

 

See ya…

 

Rehab Ragaee

Monday, May 22, 2006

4:15 pm

Did I ever tell you why I so much liked PTP when I first joined it…?

 

Some may think the reason was that this group of people is different.

Yes from many aspects, they are different indeed…

 

PTPians are talented… they read… write… and conduct various events in several fields of life…

They are simply cultured… (Which, in fact, is hardly found nowadays…)

 

Wasn’t all that enough for me to get addicted to such a group?

 

Well, all these reasons sound really good… actually… AMAZING not only good…

 

But, in fact, none of them was the main reason I fell in love with PTP when I first joined it… May be later on those reasons were the strings that kept me strongly attached to PTP… but at first the issue was completely different with me…

 

I’ve always been curious about human interaction and how it developed…

Always wondered how people communicated thousands years ago without figuring out what they had in common…

Always thought of how “the other” thinks of me… and how do I think of “the other”…

 

The same reason that makes me sometimes sit alone in a café and try to imagine the lives of those people surrounding me…

 

See… It has always been about people…

 

I loved the idea of communicating with strangers… of seeing a part of their personality that is not seen in their daily lives…

 

I loved the idea of reading a post for X, then imagining what kind of life this X live… Is s/he… Happy or Sad… Mature or Childish… Shy or Showing off… Alive or Dead…? And the list never ends…!

 

I loved the idea of posting something and getting a feedback… or a criticism… from someone who knows nothing about me… only sees a part of my personality through my posts…

 

I loved the idea of revealing my fears and pains to people I don’t know and getting support in return…

 

I loved the idea of dealing with different ages, different experiences, different pains, and different LIVES…

 

Perhaps this was one of the reasons that made me stay an online member for almost 6 months before I decided to move to a second level of communication… and meet some of those people I was talking with and consequently moving to another stage in my relation with PTP.

 

Anyhow; I wasn’t intending to make this a long boring post, and I’m afraid I did…

 

All I wanted to say was that PTP has always been more than a group of cultured people… it was more like… a symbolization of human interaction in its best scenario… for me at least…

 

Let’s try not to lose this spirit…

 

Have a wonderful day…

        Rou…