I finally reached the shore…

I decided to be happy… again…

I decided to return to myself with a new spirit…

 

I took the decision of loving my life, myself, my family, my friends, my place, my work, my community,  my everything more…

In other words; love my life a little bit more than I used to do…

 

I decided to let go of all the disappointments I felt throughout the past 2 years and turn out a new leaf with new hopes merged with my old dreams…

 

May be the reason of my seemingly everlasting blues was not giving enough…

May be I just need to give more and expect little…

 

Give feelings, emotions, time, love, and faith to everyone and everything around me… and expect a little from life in return…

 

Give everything… no matter how little it was… even if it was as tiny as a smile to a stranger…

 

May be I need to sit back a little and make a checklist of what I have gained, what I have lost, what I’ve taken for granted, and what have I became throughout the past years… where was I… and where am I now…?

 

Is it getting any better… or any worse…?

 

Did I reach the change I was seeking to see in the world…?

Did I start with myself… or did I take the easy and short way of putting blame on everything in life… and forgetting the reasons… the real ones…?

 

Can I get back to my dreams…? Will I ever be able to believe in them again…?

I used to believe that I can change the world… Do you think it was a naïve belief?

 

May be it was… but it kept me happy before… and now that I stopped believing in it… I cannot say that I feel even half the happiness I felt before…

 

Today in the walk I felt hope getting back on its way to me…

 

I saw it in the eyes of the old Syrian couple who joined us…

I saw their eyes full of hope for a better future…

I saw them proud of meeting us…

… and I thought…

 

May be I can get back to my old dream and renew my belief in it…

May be we can change the look that others are seeing us through…

May be we can become better people, and impact other lives too…

May be we can change our community…

May be we can eventually change the world… some day…

May be I… May be you…

 

Have a lovely day…

Rou…

 

 

Scorpions – Maybe I, Maybe You

 

Maybe I, maybe you
Can make a change to the world
We’re reaching out for a soul
That’s kind of lost in the dark

Maybe I, maybe you
Can find the key to the stars
To catch the spirit of hope
To save one hopeless heart

You look up to the sky
With all those questions in mind
All you need is to hear
The voice of your heart
In a world full of pain
Someone’s calling your name
Why don’t we make it true
Maybe I, maybe you

Maybe I, maybe you
Are just dreaming sometimes
But the world would be cold
Without dreamers like you

Maybe I, maybe you
Are just soldiers of love
Born to carry the flame
Bringin’ light to the dark

 

It hurts… this stumble soul I am holding deep inside… it’s shaking everything inside me… like a hurricane turning a lively place into a wreck…

 

It hurts to realize that I don’t quite understand myself…. After all these years… my heart doesn’t seem to understand my mind and my mind is never convinced with whatever my heart feels or does…

 

It hurts to face the truth about myself… that I am weak… that I’m so fragile… and so vulnerable…

 

It hurts to finally come to the fact that I am failing to collect my inner soul together… that I am truly collapsing…

 

It hurts when you feel all this contradictions inside you…

                                          

It hurts to feel… so… drained… so… shattered…

 

It hurts to imagine how my soul is becoming very similar to the most terrifying scene I ever thought of; a deserted old wooden cottage in the middle of nowhere… cold… empty… and dead… with some traces between its walls indicating that at some point in the past it had once embraced a happy and satisfied life… now only dispersed memories can be felt when you pass by it… just like my soul is… an autumn leaf waiting for a cold breeze to allow it to have its final fall on the ground and get ready for any passing step to crash it without a trace…

 

Whenever I approached this phase before I used to step backwards a little, and have a look at the whole picture… where am standing… what do I do… and the most important what do I want to do next… and I have succeeded in saving my soul from falling apart and crashing many times before… because I have always believed in my dreams and had faith in them…

 

But, I feel now that I’m a victim of those same dreams that kept me alive all the passed years… feels like… yes, I was a dreamer once… but where did my dreams get me… they are simply none sense… complete none sense… they had to fade away… just like my soul and spirit are doing now… and just like my mind will do very soon… follow them…

 

I wonder for how long I will keep feeling this way… I hope it doesn’t take long… for I can’t seem to bear it anymore… and explosion is on its way… I can feel it…

 

I know what you are thinking of now… I’m standing on the edge of insanity… Very true indeed… I couldn’t describe it any better… Pray for me…

 

 

Rou… (Confused like never before…)

 

 

 

 

Scorpions – Does anyone know?

 

“Is this world out of control…?!

Say what is right what is wrong…
Do I know this world at all…? I think I do but then I don’t…!
I’m confused by what I see; I try to understand, but it makes no sense at all…!
I’m confused by what I feel; I thought that our love was something that is real…

Does anyone know the truth we’re looking for…? Can’t find it anymore…
Does anyone know how to make me feel for something that is real…?

So many things that I recall when we were young just flying high…
Can we turn our fate at all…?
I wish we could say don’t you cry…
I’m confused by what I hear… Girl it seems to me we’re losing after all…
Another day has just begun…
Life goes on… There’s no return…
How can I trust anyone, when honesty is such a dirty word…?!”