03.30.08
On Feminism – Sitt Marie Rose
It is almost impossible to talk about “Feminist Writers” in the Middle East without mentioning names such as “Qassim Amin” (Father of the Egyptian Feminist Movement and the author of the 1899 pioneering book “تحرير المرأة”; a.k.a. “Women’s Liberation”), “Nawal El Saadawi” and “Ehsan Abd el Qodoos” from Egypt, “Nizar Qabbani” from Syria, “Fatema Mernissi” from Morocco, and “Emily Nasrallah” from Lebanon. Their contributions have remarkably enriched the feminism literature wave in the Middle East for decades. However, the book I chose to share with you today is not written by any of the previous names. The book name is “Sitt Marie Rose” and it is written by the Lebanese-American poet, essayist, and artist “Etel Adnan”.
The novel mainly revolves around the Lebanese Civil War and how it affected the lives and relationships of those who witnessed it, but is reflected through the eyes of a Christian pacifist woman schoolteacher, “Sitt Marie Rose”, who was a beloved teacher of deaf-mute children living in Beirut during the war. Marie Rose had a deep sympathy and connection to the Palestinian refugees in Lebanon and helped them during the war, relinquishing the protection of her own tribe. Seen as a traitor to the Christian cause, she was kidnapped and brutally executed by her Christian former friends, who have joined the Phalangist party, in front of her own students.
Reaching beneath the exterior surfaces of the surroundings and the individuals involved in the murder, this powerful novel questions the political, religious, and patriarchal ideologies that lead – unavoidably – to this primitive violence of men against women, and shows the brutality that results from thinking in a tribal way about politics in a modern country.
Men’s attitude towards women was very obvious throughout the novel, such as a sentence that was uttered by one of the male characters in the novel that said: “It’s a waste of time to try to reform a woman who takes herself seriously” and the description in another sentence that said: “They, the Chabab, had to bring women back to order, in this Orient, at once nomadic and immobile.”
Etel Adnan’s “Sitt Marie Rose”, is a very good example of Feminism Literature and Women’s Studies in the Middle East that confronts subjects such as the suppression of women, the warped fulfillment of violence, and the persecution of others under religious pretenses.
I will leave you with a part of the novel…
“How long must we wait for the impossible mutation?
It’s fear, not love, that generates all actions here. The dog in the street looks at you with terror in his eyes. The combatant has the mentality of a cave man, and despite his courage, goes forward with a mask, or huddles for hours behind sandbags. Snipers, mercenaries, attracted by the bad smell of this war, lie in wait for their prey, like snakes. They are ashamed of their appetite for crime and odiously proud of their ability, and yet they hide, in the night of their veins, a kind of panic that drove them to kill Arabs in Algiers, blacks in the Congo, and Moslems or Christians in Beirut. The citizens of this country are accustomed to fear, fear, the immense fear of not deserving their mother’s love, of not being first at school or in the car race, of not making love as often as the other guys at the office, of not killing as many birds as their neighbor, of being less rich than the Kuwaitis, of being less established in their history than the Syrians, of not dancing as well as the Latin-Americans, of being less of a break-neck and extremist than the Palestinian terrorists.”
All the best,
Rou…
On March 30, 2008
References:
- http://www.archipel ago.org/vol7- 2/adnan.htm
- Various Internet citations
- “Women and Violance”; paper by Mayyada El Shereef
03.27.08
Until “you” cease to be…
Who are you…?
You are turning into “them”…
You say their words… speak their language… walk their paths… and act the same way they do…
They have stolen your identity…
You are no more yourself… you’re just a sad copy of them…
You are nobody… you have lost every sense of your own… You’re eating their food and drinking their beverage… you’re wearing what they wear… and you’re studying their beliefs…
You cannot see anymore… you’re blinded by their media; the only encyclopedia you now know…
You believe what they want you to believe… and you do what they want you to do…
Stay this way if you want… until “you” cease to be…
Rou…
March 27, 2008
03.18.08
أحاسيس متفرقة
أول مرة أكتب بالعامية… معلش إستحملوني… أنا عندي قفلة في دماغي مخلياني مش عارفة أطلع أي حاجة… فما صدقت حاجة طلعت… فسبتها زي ما هي كدة… بالعامية…
أحاسيس متفرقة
كنت دايماً وإحنا راجعين من السفر باحبس نفَسي أوي وإحنا نازلين من على الكوبري بالعربية، وأنا بضحك أوي و مستمتعة جداً بالزغزغة اللي كانت بتجيلي في بطني ساعتها…
الحاجة الغريبة إني عمري ما عرفت أنا ليه كنت دايماً باربط الإحساس ده بالرجوع من السفر و مابحسوش في الأيام العادية… رغم يعني إنه الكباري مالية البلد…
وحشتني أحاسيسي الطفولية دي… أوي…
***
بابا وحشني أوي…
وحشتني ضحكة عينيه أوي…
ساعات كتير وأنا قاعدة في الliving room أسرح أوي في الكرسي بتاعه اللي جنب المكتبة البني و أحس إني شايفاه قاعد قدامي… وأبقى خلاص حبتدي أحكيله على موقف حصلي وعايزة آخد رأيه فيه… وفجأة أركز إن ماما قاعدة على الكنبة قدامي… فاكتم الدموع في عنيا وأخرج من الأوضة بسرعة قبل ما تاخد بالها… وأدخل أنام وأنا بادعي ربنا أحلم بيه… عشان ساعتها أقدر أتكلم معاه براحتي… وأصحى من النوم على وشي إبتسامة كبييييرة……
يا رب إجمعنا بيه في الجنة… آمييييين…
***
من كام يوم عديت على Bon Appetite اللي في شارع نبيل الوقاد في أرض الجولف بعد الشغل… المكان ده أنا بروحه بقالي حوالي 15 سنة… من ساعة ما فتح تقريباً… بس أغلب الوقت كنت باخد الحاجة take away … المرة دي حسيت إني عايزة أقعد… فقعدت… تقريباً كل الstaff هناك عارفني… في منهم بيشتغلوا في المكان من يوم ما فتح، دول بقى يعرفوني من وأنا عندي 12 سنة… في واحد منهم بالذات كان دايماً يغلط في عمري… وأنا في ثانوية عامة كان يكلمني على إني في إعدادية… و أنا في الجامعة يقول لي أخبار ثانوية عامة إيه… المرة دي لقيته بيقولي إنتي بتدرسي في أنهي جامعة… قلت له حرام عليك ده أنا متخرجة بقالي 4 سنين… ضحك و قالي أعملك إيه بس مانتي شكلك زي مانتي بقالك عشر سنين… و مشي… و سابني مع أحاسيسي و أفكاري…
إحساس غريب أوي إن الناس دي شافتك فعلاً وإنت بتكبر… في كل مراحلك العمرية… حطيت نفسي مكانه كدة و فكرت إني من كام يوم حسيت نفس الإحساس وأنا داخلة من باب العمارة عندنا لما قابلت ولد جارنا و تقريبا معرفتوش… الولد ده – و ياللسخرية – كنا رحنا زرنا مامته لمل إتولد… دلوقتي عنده حاجة بتاعت 15 سنة… حسيت ساعتها إني شاهد عيان… وإن بجد العمر بيعدي…
إحنا بنكبر ولا إيه………
***
رجعلي إحساس الNostalgia تاني… بس جامد أوي المرة دي…
وأنا رايحة الشغل الصبح خطرت على بالي حاجة و من غير ما أفكر كتير حطيتها موضع تنفيذ… غيرت إتجاه عربيتي و دخلت في الشوارع الجانبية الضيقة لأرض الجولف لحد ما وصلت لشارع بعينه و ركنت… نزلت من العربية و مشيت شوية لحد ما وقفت قدامها…
…مدرستي…
مشيت ناحية الباب الرئيسي وأنا بقدم رجل وأأخر التانية… جوايا مزيج عجيب من أحاسيس كتير متناقضة…
عبرت البوابة و تلقائيا بصيت شمالي وأنا داخلة وأنا بتمتم… الله يرحمك يا عم بدر… أنا عارفة إنه توفى من كام سنة… بس لما تدخل المكان اللي كان دايماً قاعد فيه و ماتلاقيهوش… تضايق كدة…
الغريب في الموضوع إن إحنا كنا كلنا بنخاف من عم بدر وإحنا صغيرين… كان عنده شنب أبيض كبير كنا مسمينه شنب النجعاوي…….. الله يرحمه……….
عديت المدخل و عديت معاه ذكرياتي و عنيا بتلف علي كل التفاصيل من حواليا… تفاصيل صغيرة كانت في يوم من الأيام هي حياتي كلها… وأنا بدندن “…This used to be my playground… This used to be my childhood dream…”
دول غيروا لبس المدرسة… فكرت وأنا براقب طابور الصباح من بعيد…
مش كل المدرسين لسة موجودين… في كتير سابوا المدرسة…
كملت رحلتي العجيبة جوة عالم تاني من الذكريات… وشوش مألوفة… وعيون تضحك لما تشوفني…
يا ترى إيه إحساسهم لما يشوفوا حد كانوا بيدرسوله من سنين طويلة وقد أصبح فجأة إنسان ناضج و مسئول و ناجح… أنا لو مكانهم ححس بالفخر لأني من جوايا حبقى دايماً واثقة إني بصورة أو أخرى سبت أثر في حياة الشخص ده…
من كام سنة قابلت مدام ليلى مدرسة الفرنساوي في الشارع وسلمت عليها… هي ما عرفتنيش… و مافتكرتنيش… بس كان في عنيها نظرة سعادة مش قادرة أنساها أبداً…
شفت نفس النظرة دي في عيون كتيرة النهاردة…
أنا مبسوطة أوي…
بس كدة…
رحاب رجائي
في 18 مارس 2008
03.12.08
Writer’s block
Do you know what a writer’s block is?
It is this freaky feeling that you have thoughts flowing into your mind and that you should be sketching them into words… but then… whenever you try to do, the words come out meaningless and empty… A bulk of crowded ideas and images fighting to get released from your brains while all you can do is sit wordlessly with a pen in your hand failing to translate them into words…
I am experiencing it for the first time in years… and those untriggered thoughts harshly distort my wits and makes me wonder…
How many books must I inhale before starting to bleed the words out again…?
How much of the world should I consume before my senses resume their functions again…?
When would I be able to break the dam of silenced apathy I am stuck behind…?
I wonder!
Rou… (Figuring out an innovative mindset)
03.06.08
Random facts about me…
Random facts about me…
- First impressions on me incredibly vary; some get the feeling that I am a very calm and serene young lady, others literally say that I am very arrogant; “tenka” is the word used in their description (whatever this word would mean)… But, the fact is that I’m neither this nor that; my inside volcanoes and earthquakes don’t really match my outside appearance at all if I may say; not even from a professional point of view. See, I am an IT person by profession, but an all-cultural-themes person at heart, and the truth is, I would gladly give up my IT career for good if someone would agree to pay me for reading, writing, and attending all kinds of cultural activities all day long…
- I hate computers though they are the core of my career. However, the fact remains that I cannot really survive a day without one… But you can say I hate the kind of persons computers turned us to be; practical creatures without a life keda… I hate chatting in particular; hate this silly feeling of smiling to a screen! I also hate the computer-resulted abbreviations that we use all day long and find it really silly and make the words lose its meanings keda… I tried doing something a few days ago which is to get an abbreviation such as “LOL” which is equal to “Laugh Out Loudly” and get its relevant Arabic meaning, and the result was REALLY funny… I ended up having an abbreviation of “ضبع” which is equal to “ضحك بصوت عالى”! Isn’t it silly… don’t you think…? My cousin told me once that because she is used to using such abbreviations all the time, she sometimes feels like using it in normal face-to-face conversations… her words really provoked me… and I thought… “Mesh fahma! Ya3ny when I feel like laughing my heart out, I should feel like saying ‘LOL’ instead!”… Ah… This sucks!
- I ADORE writing! It’s releasing and expressive; it’s intense and relaxing at the same time. I started noticing how much I love writing when I was in primary and preparatory stages in school through the “composition” pieces during Arabic and English classes. After I was done with school I started writing a couple of things keda but not on a frequent basis at all… until I joined PTP, and I started then to really concentrate on developing my writing skills… I mostly write short stories, personal reflections, and articles… tried a couple of times to write character profiles and plot lines in order to eventually come up with a novel, but did not actually complete any of the trials… am not into poetry writing (though I have some moods of poetry reading) probably because am not a big fan of using rhymes in writing… This instilled sense of achieving something that invades me the minute I am done with sketching down my “writing” sometimes makes me think of myself as a writer, despite the fact that I’ve never formally published anything outside school paper, my blog, and PTP. I even carry around a notebook in which I could scrawl anything any time I get an idea or see or hear a great line that might later inspire me (Goes without saying tab3an that this paper notebook sits aside to a book to read!)
- I love using three dots “…” at the end of phrases in my writings… Like the previous sentence keda… I am not sure if this is considered punctuation or not, but either ways, I know that I remarkably misuse this great language gift called “punctuation”… I love to write some words with capital letters to highlight the fact that I REALLY feel something for instance… or constantly use hyphens and bury parentheses-within-parentheses to explain several meanings within each other… I also love to use “quotations” when using a sarcastic expression to illustrate something… in addition to the italic font to give the feeling that the word written is not meant to be it literally… This way of writing probably results from the fact that I write in the same way I talk… Being this kind of persons who is hardly speechless, I know I have – you know – “tones” keda while talking… Anyways!
- I truly can’t live without books (Note here that I am using the word “book” not only “reading”)… I love the smell of books and the intimate feeling they give, rather than sitting in front of a dull computer screen reading from soft copies… There was that very expressive and true saying that I read somewhere once that said “Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed on and digested.”… Same goes with music… Music actually speaks with the words you fail to utter… if feelings could talk then I believe it would sound like music…
- I LOVE watching sports in general; football (soccer) and tennis in particular, to the extent of getting my nerves high and my blood pressure rises with every minute passing, and I eventually reach this stage of… “Comm’on I need this match to end now with whatever result before I die over here suffering from high blood pressure!” Does this sound… a bit non-feminine to some…? Well, I’m not sure, but may be this resulted from the fact that I am the only-younger-sister to two-elder brothers… fa I’m kinda not ba2a a “hysterical movies crier”, and I don’t rush after makeup and stare into “Star Academy” all day long… I know very well that no matter how “fashionable” I try to become, my comfort-jeans freakiness eventually wins out…
- I can be incredibly silly with kids. If you’re leaving kids with me, be prepared for the fact that I will talk to them using made-up words, silly animal sounds, and swing them round and round until we’re both exhausted (usually starting with me)… Don’t worry though, I will respect your wishes not to feed them chocolate or sugar…
What else…? I don’t know… that’s all for now I guess…
03.05.08
On the Battle of Abu Qir and the Gangs of New York…
A while ago I was reading about the battle of Abu Qir* (a.k.a. Battle of the Nile) that took place in Abu Qir bay near Alexandria between the British and the French fleets under the command of Admiral Nelson and Admiral Brueys respectively. The battle resulted in a shameful historical defeat and destruction of Napoleon’s armada…
As I read the words picturing the floating corpses on the surface of the sea that said: “An awful sight it was, the whole bay was covered with dead bodies, mangled, wounded, and scorched, not a bit of clothes on them but their trousers.”, I couldn’t but think of how sad yet ironic it appears to me; that whenever you go and visit that place where that battle took place, it never really crosses your mind for a second that such a bloodbath (estimation between 2000 and 5000 killed and wounded from the French side, and a little less than a 1000 killed and wounded from the British side) occurred in this calm and peaceful place… you see… eventually none of those who lived and died during that battle were actually remembered…
The first thing that crossed my mind while thinking of this was the scene finale of the movie “Gangs of New York” with the foreground shot of the cemetery where the two main characters of the movie were buried and the background being a skyline shot of Manhattan followed by four time-progressions of New York’s skyline growing taller and taller as the cemetery becoming more and more overgrown – a symbolism of a tempestuous but forgotten past…
A truly memorable quote was said at that scene summing it all up: “… But for those of us what lived and died in those furious days, it was like everything we knew was mildly swept away. And no matter what they did to build this city up again… for the rest of time… it would be like no one even knew we were ever here…”
I always paid much thought to this particular phrase… that at some point in time it would be like no one ever knew I ever lived in this place or encountered whatever life brought me… At some point in time, it will be as if I never existed… At some point in time, the only evidence of my “once upon a time existence” will be the place itself… which is merely an inanimate that cannot testify a thing…
I remember that someday I was really down and a friend of mine told me something that I keep recalling every now and then… He said: “Imagine 200 years ago, at this very same day, in the very same month, there existed a man who was facing a very similar situation to yours and was very down… where is that man now…?” I said… “Dead…”, so he asked me again… “And where is his problem…?” I smiled, and said… “Dead too…”
The idea that was cleared out to me through all the above thoughts is that all the glorious oratory about life and its happenings can never hide the fact that we have always been – and remain still – mortal creatures that will eventually be forgotten…
Don’t get me wrong, I am not depressed… in fact; I am feeling good (despite of the depressing surroundings we are all drowned in)… and I am truly appreciating my life’s happenings (good and bad ones) for as long as I am alive… before I am eventually gone and forgotten…
On the mind of a mortal human being,
Rou…
*For detailed info about the battle of Abu Qir check the below link:
http://www.nelsonsnavy.co.uk/broadside1.html
03.04.08
الحب ديني و إيماني
لقد كنت قبل اليوم أنكر صاحبي إذا لم يكن ديني إلى دينه داني…
و قد صار قلبي قابلاً كل صورة فمرعى لغزلان و بيت لأوثان…
و دير لرهبان و كعبة طائف و ألواح توراة و مصحف قرآن…
أدين بدين الحب أنى توجهت ركائبه فالحب ديني و إيماني…
– إبن عربي
03.03.08
My New Year’s Resolution – Slight Modification
Those of you who happened to know me know very well what kind of a high-tempered creature I am, and are on familiar terms with the fact that I usually – if not always – wear my heart on my sleeves, which in itself is not a problem, but which of course has the – sometimes – effect of “higher-highs” and “lower-lows” than necessary for my everyday life’s happenings; I wouldn’t call it overreacting, but would rather say I’m a bit, you know, hot-blooded kind of persons…
Be it so, I had to have a stand with myself at the beginning of this year, 2008, to set some things clear in my mind. After applying some mind freeing techniques, I eventually reached a decision that my new year’s resolution this year would be to implement a kind of gratitude and patience in my life on a daily basis, be it with blessings or disappointments, both big and small ones, and to have more faith and belief that there is a good that eventually comes out of anything that happens to me…
I had a look at the calendar this morning, only to realize that we have reached March, and I did not actually apply much of my pledge… I am still – impatiently – having my highs and lows reactions towards life happenings, and I still can’t truly see the “good” that should be coming out of some “bad” things… As I thought of this now, I got really disappointed in myself, so I decided – as I am writing this now – to make a slight modification in my way of fulfilling my New Year’s vow. I mean, I was basically concentrating on figuring out the “good” rather than the belief of its existence, let me rephrase my words then, my new resolution would be that whenever an adversity seems to befall me, I would be calm and patient; I don’t necessarily have to see the “good” it will eventually bring, I only have to believe it does exist, even if I never figured it out…
I am not sure though if this work-around is going to work out perfectly at the end; I guess I’ll have to wait until the coming new year to know if it actually helped me to become a better person… And since I truly hate to give up things without doing my best in reaching them… So, here I am asking you this… If you ever saw me getting, you know, uncontrollably out of hand, remind me of the “good” that lies beneath… please…
Rou…
03.02.08
La vie en rose
Last night I saw the movie “La Môme”; a.k.a. “La vie en rose”…
The movie is sadly beautiful… I never knew that Edith Piaf’s life was filled with such tragedy; a pure melodrama if I may say… It’s hard to believe that Edith didn’t actually have one moment of real happiness in her entire life either as a kid or an adult. I mean… How come such a miserable woman had such an effect in people’s lives as she did…?
Marion Cotillard’s performance was outstanding… and the compositions of the melodies of Piaf’s songs played in the background made the movie even better…
However, the point that kind of confused me was the switches of time frames throughout the movie… It was quite a brainteaser – sometimes – to place each scene in chronological order as the movie jumps around through flashbacks and flash forwards… However, I must say that I perfectly understand its purpose… which makes you feel that even while living through the singer’s days of glory; we never forget what a tortured sick person she would soon turn to be…
On another note, I believe that the movie needed to balance out Edith’s legendary tragic life, with the political surroundings of that time… the movie mainly focused on 2 points; her tragic life, and her love story… As far as I know, Edith Piaf had a great role in helping out with the French Resistance during war… How come such an enriched biography fails to highlight this aspect of her life…?
The scene finale of the movie was brilliant with Piaf’s last hit song “Non, je ne regrette rien!” – which she actually finished her career with – summing up her lifetime experiences, and coming to the fact that even with all the sadness she encountered throughout her life… she never regretted anything…
“La vie en rose” is one of the saddest, yet most beautiful movies I have seen lately… Whether you are an Edith Piaf fan or not, you’ll enjoy it, and when you eventually get out of the movie you’ll realized what a good life you have…
Lovely morning,
Rou…
