August 23, 2004

Three days…

Posted in English, Reflections at 11:33 am by Rou...

3 days passed….

I wonder for how long I will still be able to endure such pain…

 

I woke up yesterday at the dawn (I’m lying … I couldn’t sleep aslan… but I’m convincing myself I did) … with something calling in my mind… and pushing me to open my precious old wooden box.

Oh, I forgot…. You know nothing about that box…

Ok, in this box lies my whole life… precious letters, and pictures…. 7agat ba2alha sneeen…. Not the normal pictures… those are well arranged in albums… I’m talking about special times if you can get me…

 

Anyways, almost 80% of the contents of this box… are memories of my teenage…. Ya3ny… men awel 3rd prep masalan… and till 2nd year in college….

And most of these memories… were with her………

 

Did she really die…..?!

Why do I feel like it’s a nightmare and I’ll wake up and call her shivering of the thought…?

 

Anyways, I opened it……

Wow… it’s been a long time since I’ve seen those things….

Pictures and pictures…

Letters and dehydrated flowers…

And the old half of the friendship heart we used to divide…

I smiled remembering the day we got that silver heart… and after few years it looked real bad … so we insisted on buying a new one in gold with a half written on it: la illah illa allah  and another half written on it “Mohammed rasool allah”…..

I never took it off…..!

 

Anyways, I went through the heaped up memories….

I started to open the old letters…

I’ll have to tell you about this, but don’t laugh….. It’s kinda strange but we used to do it…Whenever we felt something was getting wrong between us… we used to write each other letters…. And cards….

 

So, I went through the letters…..

Old ones talking about her first love…..

Ones talking about my first love…

In another one she was trying to convince me that “folan” really cares about me…

That small flower… I remember it…. It was in my 16th birthday….

 

And this letter……

Yaaaaaaah…… it was a reply on a letter from me…… we were waiting for nateeget tansee2 thanweya 3amma.

Memories kept flowing like a movie in my mind….. I remember I was so afraid… because I got panicked in the physics exam… and I wrote almost nothing in my answer sheet and I was so sure I won’t be able to join handaset ain shams…. My old dream…!

 

Here’s another one…. In this one we were already in college…. 23dady handasa…

I remember this year as if it was yesterday…..

Destiny chose that I’d join handaset 7elwan, and she’d join handaset ain shams….

We were so afraid to lose each other along the way….. west elmozakra….. and the new friends… So we did something really nice…..

I had my group…. Almost 15 one…. And she had hers…. Almost the same number…

We introduced almost 30 people to each other… just to make sure we’ll still be friends…. Just to make sure we’ll still hang out together…. J

And up till this moment… those 30 people still hang out together…

 

Here goes another one…..

At this time of my life…. I needed her support more than anything on earth….

I remember when I took the decision of leaving handasa after I passed 23dady…

Everyone was thinking I lost my mind…. People were talking to me as if I was insane… they were saying how could you pass… then leave… people leave it when they fail… how could you…!

Even my own parents weren’t convinced of what I was doing…

I didn’t find myself there… what’s the problem in it….! That’s what I used to say…

 

She was the only one who came with me when I was presenting my papers in the academy… she was the only one who was supporting me… she kept saying… I might not be convinced awy … but I know that you are rational enough to know what you are doing now… and I trust you…!

 

I kept reading and reading….

Passing through our pictures together….

In school…. In college….

I couldn’t resist my tears anymore….

I cried like I never did before…………

Oh God… I miss her…..

 

I closed the old wooden box…. And put it back where it belongs….

Then mumbled the same words I pray to God with ever since what happened….

اللهم إني لا أسألك رد القضاء و لكني أسألك اللطف فيه

                

 

Rehab

 

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