May 22, 2006

Dispersed Thoughts (Don’t bother yourself and start reading them…)

Posted in English, Reflections at 12:15 pm by Rou...

It’s been a pretty long time since I last held a pen in my hand and wrote my thoughts on a piece of paper… the rushing life we’re living in makes me write my thoughts on a word document instead of a paper… Sarcastic… isn’t it…?

 

I never through of this till now… In fact; I really miss this feeling of sketching my aimless thoughts between the lines of a notebook… of having some drafts here and there… J

  

Anyways…

It’s 3 pm now, and the lights went down more than an hour ago… and I found myself thinking… so I decided to write anything…

I started to think about what I should write now…

May be… my life… for instance…

Am I happy…?

How many difficulties have I encountered throughout the past 24+ years…?

Hey… let’s be more realistic… let’s say for the last 9 years…

 

Silence… (More than 30 minutes)

 

I’ve been sitting by myself for some time now… trying to gather my shattered pieces together… to form anything similar to the human soul… the one I used to have…

 

Time is passing quickly, and this I’m sure of… I can still remember the good old days… (Hey wazzup… I’m only 24 for GOD’s sake!!!)…

 

I’m thinking…

 

I miss something…

 

Who am I…?

 

I’m scared… I’m just a scared human being…

 

Scared of tomorrow…

 

Scared of myself…

 

Scared of the one I’m trying to become… (That I already became…)

 

Am I broken…? Frustrated…? Depressed…?

 

Yes… May be…!

 

Hurt…? In pain…?

 

Yes… but I’m not sure why…!

 

Who’s the one to blame…?

 

Is it the tough world we’re living in…?

 

And why should I blame it in the first place…?

 

What did I expected it to be…?

 

A piece of cake…? Roses and Champagnes …?

 

Did I dream of Utopia…?

 

No… I didn’t…!

 

But… wait a minute… what is this all about in the first place…?

 

Am I an angel…?

 

NO… I’m NOT…!

 

I’m getting out of my mind now…

 

I need to find some inner peace…

 

Need some sort of an internal shake… something to rock everything within me… Destroys my internal soul… may be then I’ll be able to build a new life…

 

Build a new “me”… based on my rules this time…

 

But, is that really true…?

 

I mean… would I ever be able to start again…? To build everything from scratch…?

 

Is it gonna be perfect this time…?

 

Won’t there be anything missing…?

 

Missing… hmmmm…. Interesting…

 

Something would be missing…

 

Well… it’s… “Someone” I guess… not “Something”…

 

I would be missing ME…

 

I really don’t know… I’m so confused…

 

Anyhow; the lights went back now…

 

Back to work then…

 

See ya…

 

Rehab Ragaee

Monday, May 22, 2006

4:15 pm

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2 Comments »

  1. Veronica said,

    man ha you just said what i been feeling the last couple months …

  2. Rou... said,

    Hi Veronica,

    I’m glad you can relate to what I said, hope things get better to all of us.. thanks for passing by!


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