June 4, 2006

Approaching Death… Déjà vu…

Posted in English, Reflections at 12:17 pm by Rou...

Ever thought of how would you feel in those few seconds before your soul apart your body…?

What would you think of…?

Which faces would cross your mind…?

What would you murmur to yourself with…?

I never thought of it before I had to experience it…

Seems every time I try to recall what happened, I fail to understand what I felt and how I reacted…

The only thing I know by heart is that I got the same feeling I had the day my father passed away… How easy it is to die… And how easy it is for a soul to leave your body cold, empty, and dead…

I was a few millimeters… seconds… away from death…

 

It’s been a few days now… my body still has some bruises… my car is almost dead out there… but I don’t give a damn on either…

All what I know is that I don’t feel well at all… not physically… but rather psychologically…

I can’t but keep thinking… was I ready to leave…?

I’m not sure I was…!

 

I got dozens of calls that day… they were all saying the same words of how grateful I should be for getting out of it alive… but I didn’t seem to be hearing any…my mind was elsewhere… to that place I would have gone to… what would have been next…?

The thought was terrifying… but I couldn’t resist imagining…

Alone in a grave… being asked about… my life… (I skipped writing this part on purpose because my thoughts were too scary to post)

 

The sarcastic thing about what happened is that the day before I had that accident I heard a strange sound while driving, so I stopped my car, got off, and checked where the sound came from. I found a small part of the fenders scratching the street asphalt and causing the sound I heard. I got really bothered for having to go to the mechanic to fix it.

While driving on my way again, I had that unclear vague thought that I’ll only stop complaining about this silly défaut in the car when I have a huge car accident…!!!!!

Huge enough to make me appreciate whatever state I am in now…!

I have no idea what was that supposed to be…

Was it a Déjà vu scene…?

I have no clue…!

 

That night, I looked up to the sky and murmured:

“Please GOD… I’m begging you… I know that I’m being toughly tested… but, it seems to me that these tests have lasted forever… I believe in you and trust that something better is going to happen soon… But, I just can’t take all this… I’m just a fragile human… and I need you… Please help me… I confess… I am weak… Please have mercy on me……………………………………………………………………”

 

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