May 23, 2007

Standing on the edge of insanity…

Posted in English, Reflections at 4:30 pm by Rou...

It hurts… this stumble soul I am holding deep inside… it’s shaking everything inside me… like a hurricane turning a lively place into a wreck…

 

It hurts to realize that I don’t quite understand myself…. After all these years… my heart doesn’t seem to understand my mind and my mind is never convinced with whatever my heart feels or does…

 

It hurts to face the truth about myself… that I am weak… that I’m so fragile… and so vulnerable…

 

It hurts to finally come to the fact that I am failing to collect my inner soul together… that I am truly collapsing…

 

It hurts when you feel all this contradictions inside you…

                                          

It hurts to feel… so… drained… so… shattered…

 

It hurts to imagine how my soul is becoming very similar to the most terrifying scene I ever thought of; a deserted old wooden cottage in the middle of nowhere… cold… empty… and dead… with some traces between its walls indicating that at some point in the past it had once embraced a happy and satisfied life… now only dispersed memories can be felt when you pass by it… just like my soul is… an autumn leaf waiting for a cold breeze to allow it to have its final fall on the ground and get ready for any passing step to crash it without a trace…

 

Whenever I approached this phase before I used to step backwards a little, and have a look at the whole picture… where am standing… what do I do… and the most important what do I want to do next… and I have succeeded in saving my soul from falling apart and crashing many times before… because I have always believed in my dreams and had faith in them…

 

But, I feel now that I’m a victim of those same dreams that kept me alive all the passed years… feels like… yes, I was a dreamer once… but where did my dreams get me… they are simply none sense… complete none sense… they had to fade away… just like my soul and spirit are doing now… and just like my mind will do very soon… follow them…

 

I wonder for how long I will keep feeling this way… I hope it doesn’t take long… for I can’t seem to bear it anymore… and explosion is on its way… I can feel it…

 

I know what you are thinking of now… I’m standing on the edge of insanity… Very true indeed… I couldn’t describe it any better… Pray for me…

 

 

Rou… (Confused like never before…)

 

 

 

 

Scorpions – Does anyone know?

 

Is this world out of control…?!

Say what is right what is wrong…
Do I know this world at all…? I think I do but then I don’t…!
I’m confused by what I see; I try to understand, but it makes no sense at all…!
I’m confused by what I feel; I thought that our love was something that is real…

Does anyone know the truth we’re looking for…? Can’t find it anymore…
Does anyone know how to make me feel for something that is real…?

So many things that I recall when we were young just flying high…
Can we turn our fate at all…?
I wish we could say don’t you cry…
I’m confused by what I hear… Girl it seems to me we’re losing after all…
Another day has just begun…
Life goes on… There’s no return…
How can I trust anyone, when honesty is such a dirty word…?!

 

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