August 20, 2008

هلوسة

Posted in Arabic, Reflections, Slang at 11:55 pm by Rou...

سؤال عمري ما مليت من سؤاله و عمري برده ما لقيت له إجابة…

ليه الناس الكويسة هي اللي بتروح…؟

ليه مش أنا و لا إنت و لا أي حد تاني…؟

كل مرة حد كويس يمشي بسأله لنفسي…

ومن كام يوم إجابة واحدة رنت في دماغي…

يظهر إن الدنيا بقت أسوأ من إن الناس الكويسة تستحملها…

 

***

 

إحساس قاتل إنك تحس إنك متساب و “left behind” كدة…

إنك تحس إنه الناس كلها من حواليك بتتحرك و إنت لوحدك…

واقف في مكانك… وبترجع لورا كمان…

إنك متغير… و مش إنت…

ولما تبص في المرايا تحس إنك شايف شخص غريب عنك…

تيجي تتدور على نفسك ما تلاقيهاش…

وتتمنى يوم من أيام زمان… تتمنى حتى عيوبك ترجع…

لكن ده من المحال…

 مش الست قالتها زمان…؟

“عايزنا نرجع زي زمان… قول للزمان إرجع يا زمان…”

 

***

 

قريت من فترة جملة لمحمد الماغوط بتقول:

“أقسى ما في الوجود أن لا يكون هناك ما تنتظرهأو تتذكرهأو تحلم به…”

قد إيه الجملة دي حقيقية… قد إيه بتعبر عن اللي أنا فيه…

مش معنى إن في نَفَس داخل ونَفَس خارج إن الإنسان يكون حي…

هو يمكن يكون “عايش” آه… لكن “حي”… ماظنش…

كتير بحس إني بقيت واحدة من الناس دول…

بتنفس… بس… من غير أي شغف للحياة…

 

***

 

أصبح الطبيعي بتاعي إني مخنوقة…

مخنوقة من كل حاجة… ومن ولا حاجة…

حاسة بتقل على صدري… وكأن في حاجة كاتمة على أنفاسي…

كأن المكان بيضيق بيا و حواليا…

على رأي منير: “آه يا براح عمال بيضيق!”…

 

 

تفتكروا بكرة أحلى…؟

مش عارفة ليه بطلت أصدق في الجملة دي….

ربنا يستر…

 

رحاب رجائي

في 20 أغسطس 2008

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10 Comments »

  1. Mermaid said,

    There are many good ppl left ya Rou… we just feel sad when we find a few good ppl leaving… the picture gets darker. And somtimes, dwelling in our gloomy mood makes us forget the bless of having those good people around … not appreciating their presence.

    Look at the tiny lights in your life, dear… and have faith… not that “tomorrow is going to be brighter” but rather that “we” can make tomorrow brighter 🙂

  2. teared apart said,

    maybe the reason we all doubtfully question if tomorrow is going to be brighter is that we always make today so darker than yesterday…same mistakes, same selfishness, same regrets, same sadness.
    What you worte is not hullicination but it’s the truth, maybe i don’t agree with you about good people leaving because we all leaving, good and bad.I believe the best way to make tomorrow brighter is to make the best use of today,Never waste your time just living…expand your boundries,find new blesses in life,find love,find someone who care for you the most or find someone whom you care for the most.we are free too do with our lifetime as we please and see best but there is a certain pattern we must complete otherwise we’ll never be happy no matter how hard we tried…find out what’s missing,look for it and complete your what you were born for…Best Wishes

  3. sleeplessrou said,

    Mayo… Look at what you said yourself keda… I will use ur own words… “the tiny lights in your life”…. Tiny for GOD’s sake… tiny we ta2reeban fading away kaman… + they are not “few” who are leaving, no matter what the reason of their leave is,… death… or migration… or just.. life happenegins… and finally… you know well that I stopped believeing in mawdoo3 “we” can make “tomoorrow brighter” da….

    ana 3ayza ahager! bass 3arfa elmoshkela begad fe eih…? law hagert and it turned out fel akher eny i can’t take it… (and am afraid eno this might be very true….)

    Anyways…………

  4. sleeplessrou said,

    Dear teared apart… (by the way, i need to know ur name, mesh nafe3 a address you keda… 🙂 )

    I must say that I disagree with you regarding the “same everything” concept… I believe awy in a quote lateefa keda bet2ollak eno… “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man”… You are not the same person who did yesterday’s mistakes… every little thing that happens in life changes a part of you… very slight change that cannot be felt if it is counted alone… and then someday you wake up in the morning to find a completely different person than the one you used to be…

    However, i do ageee with you regarding that we are the ones who make today look darker… but you can’t help doing this with all the frutrations you are surrounded with…

    finally… as for your advice “find new blesses in life,find love,find someone who care for you the most or find someone whom you care for the most”…

    Do you think it is that easy….? or ya3ny heya 7aga in my hands and am the one who’s refusing it….? Dear, this is something that is totally and completely out of one’s hands… i can choose to be happy, but ui cannot choose to be in love… I can choose to care for ppl, but I cannot choose eno people ye care for me……

    Ma 3aleina…. Thanks for passing by! 🙂

  5. Mermaid said,

    Yes, dear…. they are tiny… do you know why? Because we tend to neglect and overlook them. They are just like beautiful stars that beautify our dark sky… without them, our sky would be very ugly and deserted. We just keep lamenting the absence of the moon… forgetting enjoying the stars. And I have to admit that in the current circumstances, our sky is the darkest… that’s why we need to cling to every tiny star and appreciate its presence.

    May God light your heart till you say: “shewayet shade ya Rab… kefaya light” 😀

  6. sleeplessrou said,

    Shwayet Shade ya Rab!!!! danty motafa2la awy….!!!

    you know… ana kont wa7da zaman dayman hopefull… bass begad I learned eno it’s better to see things clearly in order to be able to fix them…. things are not going well… on all aspects…

    ana battalt ad7ak 3ala nafsy kahalas ya Mayo! maba2ash yenfa3 elwa7ed yeb2a blinded aktar men keda 3an kol 7aga 7awwaleh and just assume eno things will eventually get better….

    La2… things will not get better this way…. trust me….
    and if i kept putting a blindfold on everything around me, I will eventually fall… we fall mesh 7ateb2a ay fall… 3ashan enty mesh 7ateb2y shayfa enny beto2a3y 3ala eih…. which make things worse kaman!

  7. Mermaid said,

    Who said that hopeful ppl do not see things clearly? 🙂 Look at it this way – you can either be:

    1- Someone who sees things clearly and is saying: “things will get better”… and is working to make “things get better”, OR
    2- Someone who sees things clearly and is saying: “mafeesh fayda”… and is either doing nothing or doing things but not with the mindset that anything would change.

    I can never say that currently “life is bright and beautiful”… on the contrary, it dark, depressing and saddening. But still… 🙂

  8. sleeplessrou said,

    I will use your words again…. bass from our chat this time:
    “ana ba2ool balash shoghl ana wenty today we ta3aly neroo7 ay 7etta nakhod coffee we ne discuss this issue” 🙂

    khalas ya Mayada ya 7abebty… ghalabteeny this time… may be you are right after all… since keda keda I believe eno everything happens for a reason… fa may be we are meant to change but not witness our impact… I really dont’ know… I am not myself these days at all…..

    Anyways… back to work ba2a keda 7anetrefed! 😀

  9. Mermaid said,

    Yes, maybe you’re right here and we might not be able to witness this change ourselves… but I’m willing to do anything I can so that my children (elly homa fe 3elm el gheib 🙂 ) would see better days than omohom elly hatitrefed coz heya we her dearest friend Rou 3amaleen yergho 3al blogs 😀

    Love you 15 kilo we 45 grams 😀

  10. sleeplessrou said,

    daqeeeeeqa awyyyyy!!!!
    45 gram 7etyta wa7da!!!!!

    “ta3meyaya ya ga3aneeen…tab khaleeeehom etneiiin”

    LOL

    bass seebeek enty 3agabetny awy “elly homa fe 3elm el gheib” dee 😛


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