July 10, 2010

On Addiction!

Posted in English, Quotes, Reflections at 4:04 pm by Rou...

I’ve always thought that addiction is when you are used to doing/having something on a frequent basis to an extent that might be defined as obsession at times…

The past few days I got shocked when I realized that I am kinda living a hopeless case here… I thought that one cannot stay addicted to something s/he stopped practicing for more than a year, right?

I mean… I made sure to stop the dose that used to make me addicted… I brought it to an end, and was strong enough – back then – to hold on to my choice… How on earth now would I still be addicted to it then!?

Is that the reason behind the fact that a huge percentage of those who stop being on drugs return back to it at some point in time? Because they are actually addicted to the feeling they used to have while being high, not to the drugs itself?

Am I addicted to my love to him, but not to him? Am I addicted to the aura that surrounds everything I do when I am with him? Am I addicted to the excessive happiness I used to have when I see a smile on his face? Or am I simply still madly deeply in love with him?

To tell you the truth, I am not sure of anything anymore… I thought I am over him, but am not… My eyes cannot seem able to see men but him… it is still his face that I see in all the people around me… I desperately look for his car in the streets, and I smile when I see it parking calmly in the street where he lives… I still long to see him, to be with him, or at least to know he’s ok and happy with his choice…

Almost two years ago, I wrote a post about love and addiction… today, I got a new definition to it… No matter how long and hard I try to escape it, addiction to true love is always there…

I quote George Carlin saying: “Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town!”

Rou… The Addict!



  1. emma said,

    I believe it gedan gedan …

    Totally right 🙂

  2. Rou... said,

    yea… I know you do dear 🙂

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